Give Feedback That Builds

Have you ever trusted a team member—or your entire team—with something important, only to be disappointed by the result?

Did that experience make you reluctant to trust them again—or convince you it would be safer to do it yourself?

When someone falls short, withdrawing our trust can feel like the responsible response. We protect the outcome, reduce the risk, and reassure ourselves that the work will be done correctly. But if every disappointing result causes us to take back control, our people never receive the opportunity to grow beyond it.

I was blessed to work with several exceptional administrative assistants during my years in the corporate world. They did far more than manage my schedule and keep me organized. Many of them challenged my thinking and taught me important leadership lessons—lessons that were sometimes difficult to accept but ultimately made me a better leader.

During one particularly demanding period, I was under considerable stress trying to keep up with an overwhelming volume of work. One of my assistants asked me a simple question:

“Why don’t you delegate more?”

I explained that I wanted to delegate, but I did not yet trust my team members to deliver according to my expectations.

At the time, that seemed like a reasonable answer. The work was important, the standards were high, and I believed I was protecting the organization by carrying so much of the load myself. But the long hours were taking a toll on me and stealing time and energy that should have belonged to my family.

More importantly, my reasoning contained a serious flaw.

I was waiting for people to prove that they could be trusted while denying them the opportunities through which that trust could be earned.

By holding on to the work, I denied them the opportunity to rise to the challenge. I also denied them the opportunity to fall short, receive coaching, learn from the experience, and become more capable.

Another assistant later reinforced the lesson when she told me:

“Every time you fail to delegate, you deny someone else the opportunity to grow.”

Both of these trusted counselors were right.

I still struggle at times with the desire for control. Delegating important work means accepting that someone may approach it differently than I would. It also means accepting that the first attempt may not meet my expectations.

But if I accept the position of leader, I must also accept that my number one responsibility is to develop the competence and confidence of the people entrusted to my care—and, in the process, create more leaders.

Will people sometimes fail when given responsibilities that stretch their current capabilities?

Most definitely.

Does that mean they are substandard employees who are incapable of growth?

Most definitely not.

Some of my greatest lessons were born from moments when I fell short. My team members deserve the same opportunity to learn—provided I create an environment where a mistake becomes a lesson rather than a permanent label.

That does not mean ignoring poor performance or lowering the standard. Developing leaders requires clear expectations, appropriate support, and feedback delivered early and often. But that feedback must address the performance rather than attack the performer. Its purpose should not be to demonstrate my disappointment or prove that I could have done the work better. Its purpose should be to help the person understand what happened, take ownership, and become better prepared for the next opportunity.

Accountability and encouragement are not opposites. The best feedback provides both.

My responsibility is not merely to correct what went wrong. It is to help people develop the competence to perform better and the confidence to try again.

Sometimes I need to believe in people before they are ready to believe in themselves.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Who on your team is capable of more than they are currently demonstrating?
Have you given them a meaningful opportunity to show you?
How can your feedback help them recognize and develop the potential that may still be hidden within them?

CHALLENGE

Give someone the opportunity to stretch today. Set a clear expectation, provide the necessary support, and let them take responsibility. If they fall short, do not take the work back permanently. Coach them, help them learn, and prepare them to try again.
That is how trust is earned, confidence is built, and new leaders are developed.