Connect Beyond the Task
Have you ever noticed that your team has more to say around the water cooler after a meeting than they shared during it?
The ideas and opinions were there all along. What makes people more comfortable sharing them afterward—and how could stronger everyday connections bring that openness into the meeting?
Looking back on my years as a corporate leader, I would estimate that well over 80% of the meetings I attended were inefficient and unproductive.
Some people wouldn’t voice their opinions. Others spoke even when they had little to contribute.
Many watched the clock, eager to escape.
I sat through those meetings. I also led them.
Too often, I was asking people to contribute openly without having helped build the relationships that made doing so comfortable.
For some, the safest approach was to say little. The less they contributed, the sooner the meeting might end—and perhaps they could leave without another assignment.
Yet afterward, around the water cooler, those same people often had plenty to say.
What changed?
They were talking with people they knew, liked, and trusted. Those relationships had developed through everyday conversations and shared experiences. They could express a concern or disagree without feeling quite so exposed.
The meeting brought people together, but it didn’t automatically create that connection.
I came to recognize that I couldn’t expect an agenda to produce the openness that relationships hadn’t yet supported.
As leaders, we need different viewpoints. We need people to question assumptions, identify problems, and contribute their best thinking. That becomes harder when our interactions are almost entirely transactional.
If every conversation is about an assignment, a deadline, or a result, people have few opportunities to become comfortable with one another—or with us.
We build that familiarity in ordinary moments. We ask about something beyond the immediate task. We make time for a conversation without a request attached. We share something about ourselves and create opportunities for teammates to know one another.
Those moments give people a chance to experience how we respond, discover common ground, and build trust before a difficult discussion puts it to the test.
Relationships alone won’t fix every meeting. We still need a clear purpose, good facilitation, and a respectful response when someone disagrees. But stronger connections give those practices a foundation.
That is what digging the well means to me: investing in relationships before we need people to speak candidly, work through differences, or help carry a difficult mission.
The connection we build between meetings influences what people are willing to contribute during them.
Where does your team speak most freely—and what makes that setting different?
How much of your interaction with team members happens only when you need something accomplished?
Where could you create more opportunities for people to know and trust one another?
This week, make time for a conversation with no assignment attached. Show interest in the person, share something of yourself, and help teammates connect beyond their responsibilities.
The next time you bring them together, invite the perspectives you haven’t heard—and respond in a way that makes them willing to contribute again.
The dividend begins with an investment. Build the relationships before you need to draw on them.
