“Maybe if I ignore it, it will just go away.”
The conflict we avoid today often becomes the crisis we face tomorrow.
Have you ever played ostrich before?
Stuck your head in the sand and hoped the problem would simply resolve itself and disappear?
How did that work out?
I know that every time I did that, the long-term consequences were never good.
When I avoided having an early conversation with a brilliant employee who irritated everyone around them, I eventually had to terminate the employee.
When I tolerated substandard work because I did not want to have a difficult discussion, I eventually overextended myself correcting the problems personally.
When I failed to provide corrective feedback when it was needed, I denied the employee the opportunity to grow and made the eventual annual review conversation far more difficult and far less likely to be accepted.
If we are honest with ourselves, most of us would prefer to avoid conflict whenever possible.
Can’t we all just get along?
The problem is not that we avoid destructive conflict.
The problem is that we attempt to avoid ALL conflict.
And ironically, that avoidance often creates the destructive conflict we were trying to escape in the first place.
Organizations that avoid conflict rarely develop the trust and accountability necessary to perform consistently at a high level.
Individuals who avoid conflict allow frustration, resentment, and misunderstanding to quietly simmer beneath the surface, eventually leading to mistrust and passive-aggressive behavior.
And when we lack the courage to have difficult conversations, we often think less of ourselves while simultaneously denying the relationship the opportunity to grow stronger.
Suppressed conflict never ages well.
Every difficult conversation I avoided eventually came back to haunt me.
We often tell ourselves we are avoiding conflict to protect the other person’s feelings.
But if we are honest, much of the time we are simply protecting our own comfort.
And that is not kindness.
People cannot improve if they never receive the feedback they need.
Addressing conflict requires courage.
It is uncomfortable.
It is difficult.
But every time we choose courage over avoidance, we strengthen our ability to handle hard things more effectively in the future.
What conversation are you avoiding today?
And what is it costing you?
