“I just don’t get other people.”
People rarely frustrate us more than when they fail to behave the way we believe they should.
I have been fortunate to be happily married for 40 years. That reality speaks far more to my wife’s incredible patience and resilience than to any special accomplishment on my part.
We are very different people in how we approach the world.
I grew up as the oldest boy in a family of eleven children, where we competed for just about everything. My wife, on the other hand, grew up with one older sister in a very different environment.
For years, I believed wholeheartedly in the Golden Rule:
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
I believed it was the gospel truth.
After forty years of marriage, however, I have finally come to realize something important:
Most people do not necessarily want to be treated the way I want to be treated.
People have different backgrounds, different personalities, different communication styles, different emotional needs, and different ways of approaching life.
The better rule is this:
Treat people the way THEY want to be treated.
Like I said, I am a slow learner, but eventually I started to understand that many of the conflicts and frustrations in relationships were not caused by bad intentions. They were caused by differences that I failed to understand or appreciate.
That realization changed the way I approach conflict.
Instead of immediately assuming someone else is wrong, I now try to pause and ask myself:
“What if they are right?”
That simple question does not always change my opinion, but it does create curiosity. It slows down judgment. It reduces emotional escalation. It creates space for understanding rather than polarization.
Curiosity may be one of the greatest superpowers a leader can possess.
It strengthens relationships.
Improves communication.
Reduces destructive conflict.
And allows differences to become strengths instead of divisions.
The older I get, the more I realize that understanding people is far more valuable than winning arguments.
