Listen to Understand
How does it feel when someone starts solving your problem before you’ve finished telling them the story?
They may be eager to help. But you’re still explaining what happened, and they’ve already decided what you need. You’re left wondering whether they understand you at all.
I am a problem solver at heart. That skill has contributed to many successes throughout my career. But like any strength, it can be overused and become a detriment.
Under pressure, with conflicting demands on my time, my inclination is to resolve problems quickly so I can move on to the next one.
Often, that has meant beginning to solve a problem before the other person has finished telling me the story.
I assume I know where the discussion is going. I assume they want a solution. Sometimes I interrupt. Other times, I stop listening while preparing the answer in my head.
They are still talking, but I have already moved on.
Sometimes there wasn’t even a problem to solve. The person simply wanted to share information, and I was answering a question they hadn’t asked.
In my mind, I was helping. In reality, I was getting in the way of connection. I was denying them the opportunity to finish their thoughts and denying myself the opportunity to learn something I didn’t already know.
My desire to be useful had crowded out my willingness to understand.
That is a difficult admission for someone who takes pride in solving problems. It requires recognizing that the value I bring to a conversation isn’t always an answer.
Our people can often solve their own problems. They may need room to think, a question that helps them explore their options, or reassurance that we support them. Sometimes they simply need to share what they are experiencing.
We cannot know what they need if we decide before they finish.
Connection builds trust when people experience that we want to understand their perspective.
That requires setting aside our assumptions—and the urge to demonstrate how quickly we can figure things out.
Problem solving remains a valuable skill. The judgment lies in knowing when to use it.
Our people often need our support more than our genius.
Where might your eagerness to solve a problem be preventing you from understanding the person?
What could you learn if you allowed them to finish before preparing your response?
Who needs you to listen to them today?
In your next conversation, notice when you begin forming an answer. Set it aside and let the person finish. Before offering a solution, ask a question that deepens your understanding and find out what support they need.
Give them the opportunity to show you what they know. Give yourself the opportunity to learn.
