Respond Instead of Reacting

Have you ever regretted something you said or did in the heat of the moment when the pressure was on?

The moment passes, but the impact of our reaction remains. We end up spending more time repairing the damage than addressing the original problem.

As a young man, I had a very quick temper. I tended to do and say things that I later regretted, especially when my competitive spirit took over.

Once, during a bocce ball game, I accused a priest who was a family friend of cheating.

It was a game. But in that moment, my desire to win overwhelmed my judgment.

That burst of temper required a big apology later. Even after the apology, the relationship was a bit different.

There were other incidents with greater consequences.

Our starting catcher on the baseball team once missed playing at the beginning of a season because he broke his hand in a fight with me.

He was my best friend. We shared the same hot temper and competitive spirit.

We both paid the price for that incident, and we both regretted it. Our team paid a price as well.

Those are not stories I am proud to tell. They remind me how quickly an emotional reaction can create consequences that last far longer than the anger itself.

Under stress or pressure, it is easy to let emotion get ahead of judgment. We speak before we understand. We act before we consider the consequences.

But we can learn to pause and choose our response.

Taking a breath gives us an opportunity to think. Asking a question gives us an opportunity to understand. Stepping away briefly, when the situation allows, gives us an opportunity to regain control.

The problem still needs to be addressed. We simply give ourselves a better chance of addressing it well.

As leaders, our reactions carry consequences beyond ourselves. A sharp response can shut down a conversation, damage trust, or make someone reluctant to bring us the next problem.

An apology matters. So does learning to pause before another apology becomes necessary.

We cannot take back the moment, but we can prepare to handle the next one better.

Most of us have a story we would rather not tell about a time we reacted and later regretted it.

What situations tend to bring out that reaction in you?
What signals tell you that your emotions are getting ahead of your judgment?
What mechanism could help you pause long enough to choose your response?

Before the next stressful moment arrives, choose your pause. Take a slow breath. Ask a clarifying question. If needed, say, “Give me a moment to think about that.”
Practice it now so you can use it when the pressure is on.